When Did I become a Loser?

I’ve never been one of those majorly popular girls but I did get chosen for the Homecoming Junior class princess in High School. I had a few really awesome close friends and a large group of kids I felt were good acquaintances back then. Once I got married I made friends pretty easily at church, with my children’s parents and with those I met at school functions. I’ve never really suffered from terribly low self-esteem even though I know my limitations, both physically and socially. At least until my two youngest girls became young adults.

What is up with the whole eye-rolling thing anyway? Why is it that anything I say now is either socially inept, boring, or only marginally factual? At what point did I get foot-in-mouth and OMG-Mom disease without knowing I even had the symptoms? Is it contagious? Did I get it from my own mother? Will it ever go away? Does it have any direct relation to my sudden realization that I’m suddenly gross sexually, can’t be trusted with secrets and can’t pull off anything that remotely hints at cleavage anymore?

I’m not in the least bit concerned that my own mom says things like “that’s cool” as she hits 78 but I remember being slightly embarrassed by it when she was 38 so I’m assuming this is their problem and not mine. Still I do find myself teary after a tongue-lashing of “Puh…leazzz…mom” and “Do you always have to talk for me?” (I talk for everyone, why should they be any different?) I try to chalk it up to peri-menopause but it’s really just a realization that I’m that loser mom that all teens create at some point in their lives.
The younger of these two girls turns 22 soon. Thank God my oldest is now 37. She’s no longer seeing me this way (as often) and is experiencing her own grief-stricken rejection as she kisses her boys in public. I wonder how my mother ever put up with us growing up.

Recently I bemoaned the fact to my mother that I couldn’t believe I had a child who was 37. She said, “You know what’s worse than having a daughter that’s 37?”
“No, Mom. What?”
“…Being the mother of a daughter who has a child that’s 37.”

Got me there.

6 thoughts on “When Did I become a Loser?

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  1. My son is 12 and he’s already started this. I was NOT ready for it to start so soon. First, my friends dropped me, then my photography business failed (well, switch those two) and I have no career to speak of as I stay home with my kids and homeschool the eye-rolling 12 year old – 41 and already hitting perimenopause too so this time is certainly not very much fun. I can’t even imagine what they will be like as teenagers. Oy!

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    1. Oh Lisa! I get it. It’s kind of ironic isn’t it that at one age they worship us and the another they blame us for everything bad that’s ever happened to them? I’m sorry I didn’t respond sooner…my perimenopause is in full swig now and I’m never quite sure if I’m coming or going lately! Thank you for your comments. Please don’t be put off by my delay. I’d love to hear from you more. –Dee

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      1. I totally get the peri thing. I’m in the same boat! I’m tired, achy and skipping periods. When I get to heaven I’m going to punch Eve (and Adam for that matter) straight in the face! 😉 I blame them! I don’t mind the delay! no worry 🙂

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      2. LOL I know, right?!

        I keep telling myself that the only reason i’m still not through with it is because maybe God knows something I don’t know…like that I would lose my mind and become a raving lunatic without my hormones? lol I’m sure He has His reasons…patience Dee, patience….

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